


You Found Me

by jezmyl



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Allura - Freeform, Angst, IT'S ALL ANGST I'M SORRY, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Pidge - Freeform, Self-Harm, Shiro - Freeform, Suicide Attempt, Trigger Warning!!!, Voltron, hunk - Freeform, im in a mood, keith kogane - Freeform, klance, lance mcclain - Freeform, set in a modern setting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-25
Updated: 2018-09-10
Packaged: 2019-07-02 06:17:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15790680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jezmyl/pseuds/jezmyl
Summary: "I think we should take a break."Keith hears something he didn't want to hear. Lance sees something he wasn't meant to see.(TW: self harm and mentions of suicide)





	1. Lost and Insecure

For the first time, Keith had no idea what to say. He figured neither him or Lance did, judging by the fact that the only sound in the theater was the actual movie. Keith didn’t understand. Only a few months ago they would have been giggling and kissing like teenage girls in the back rows. Now both of them said nothing; Keith couldn’t remember if either of them had even spoke when Lance had met him here.

Another thing that bothered Keith; they _met up_ here. Keith had offered to pick up Lance so many times but every single time he had refused. The words still rang in Keith’s ears like a song that was stuck in his head.

_“No, I’m not a baby.”_

_“I don’t need a ride, Keith! God.”_

_“I’ve got things to do Keith, it’s easier to just meet you.”_

_“Why can’t you just leave me alone?”_

Lance’s bitter tone wouldn’t escape his thoughts.

_“How could I leave you alone, Lance? We-- We’re dating. I want to know you’re alright.”_

_The silence over the other line stretched too long for Keith’s liking._

_“I’ll see you there.”_

He couldn’t stop thinking about what was going on with Lance since that conversation the previous night. He’d even stayed up all night texting the other; but Lance never responded. Keith knew he _should_ say something, he _wanted_ to say something; _needed_ to say something. He couldn’t find the words to say something. Everything he wanted to say or ask had already been done. It also didn’t help that all Keith’s attempts were constantly met with one-word answers or silence. It taunted him.

Even when Keith attempted to sling his arm around Lance’s shoulders, the other didn’t even spare a glance towards him. Lance simply smacked his arm out of the way and stared blankly at the movie. Keith’s mouth went dry at this, but he finally spoke.

“What’s your problem?”

Keith hissed, the words coming out more angry than he’d intended. He was simply frustrated; he hated playing this guessing game.

“Shut up.”

Lance mumbled. Keith glared at Lance through the darkness.

“Hey, I’m not the one acting like a pissed fourteen-year-old girl!”

Keith whispered as angrily as he could. They were lucky that everyone was sitting decently far away.

“Oh fuck off, Keith. Just watch the movie.”

Lance said, his voice raising in volume. Keith could make out his irritated expression, the movie reflecting in his blue eyes as he still refused to face him.

“No! I’m not going to watch the stupid movie! You’re obviously upset and everytime I ask you tell me to leave it alone; yet you won’t even look at me either! I’m so confused as to what you want me to do.”

Keith said, keeping his voice to a hushed whisper despite the lack of people around them. Lance finally whipped his head in Keith’s direction, Keith staring at him with pleading eyes.

“Tch. We’ve all got our problems Keith, get in line.”

“Yes! I know! That’s why I want you to tell yours to me! So I can help!”

Keith said desperately, Lance raising a brow; he was silent and then turned back to the movie.

“I’m trying to watch this, Keith.”

Keith’s name felt like an insult as it rolled off of Lance’s tongue. Keith inhaled and his fists clenched as he stood up.

“Fine! Enjoy.”

Keith flashed a sarcastic smile as he stormed out of the theater. He was so tired of this back-and-forth. It seemed to only continue to stress them both out; so Keith figured it best to leave before it got worse.

Even through Keith’s anger, he still found himself waiting outside the theater for Lance.

 

 

Keith awoke to the sound of loud chatting and shoes clicking on tile floor. He rubbed his eyes, glancing down at his phone. Nothing from Lance. Keith could only assume the movie ended as people continued to file out of the theater. He stood up, cracking his aching bones as he tried to search for Lance in the busy crowd.

“You sat out here for an hour?”

A voice mused behind him. Keith jumped and turned around, seeing Lance staring at him.

“Uh… yeah.”

Keith mumbled, adjusting the sleeves of his jacket.

“I was waiting for you.”

“You didn’t have to.”

“I know.”

The two began to walk in silence, the hallway seeming to stretch on forever. Suddenly, Lance stopped, turning to Keith. Keith braced himself for yelling, crying, or anything of the sort really. Maybe Lance had finally decided to tell him what was wrong?

“Can you throw this away for me?”

Lance asked, holding up his soda and gesturing to the trash bin next to Keith. Keith stood, not seeming to understand for a second before he did as he was asked. Lance nodded as a thank you and they continued walking. Keith frowned, upset. He didn’t know if it was fucked up to admit, but he had wished it was yelling or crying. At least then he’d have some answers.

As they rounded their way outside, Keith made one last attempt.

“Seriously, what’s been going on with you? You haven’t been yourself.”

Keith asked in a hushed voice. Lance looked up at the night sky as he opened the door.

“It’s nothing.”

“Obviously it’s not nothing.”

Keith replied, Lance seemingly looking anywhere but him. They slowly walked to the parking lot, Keith pressing further.

“I want you to feel better.”

Lance looked at him with what almost looked like surprise. Although the expression was gone as fast as it appeared.

“You wouldn’t understand anyways.”

Lance stated flatly, Keith stopping as they rounded Lance’s car.

“How do you know for sure? Try me, _please_. I wanna help.”

Keith begged, trying not to let the night end like this. There was another long silence for what felt like the billionth time that night. Finally, Lance gave a frustrated sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Fine. You really want to know?”

Lance questioned angrily, Keith nodding.

“That’s _all_ I’ve wanted to know for the past week.”

Keith whispered as Lance looked around to make sure they were alone.

“My— My parents found out we were dating.”

Lance let out a shaky sigh, his fists clenching at his sides.

“They haven’t talked to me since. Well-- that’s not true. They did call me up yesterday to tell me I was never welcome back. I— I just—“

Lance rubbed his eyes as he spoke.

“Lance, I’m so sorry.”

Keith wrapped around Lance in a warm embrace; Lance not reciprocating.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Do you need somewhere to stay?”

Keith asked, Lance pushing him away.

“No, I’m crashing at Hunk’s place.”

There was an awkward pause as Keith considered what to say.

“I’m sorry Lance, but why didn’t you tell me?”

Keith repeated, Lance rolling his eyes.

“I didn’t really feel like talking about it with you of all people.”

Keith furrowed his brows, frowning.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Oh come _on,_ Keith.”

“No Lance, what is it?”

Keith crossed his arms, shifting his weight from foot to foot. An uncomfortable silence hung between them. Keith now _knew_ he preferred when they yelled and screamed, tears streaming down their faces. At least then they both worked out whatever shit that was going on. Right now Lance wasn’t being direct, and all Keith wanted to do was help. As if on queue, Lance turned around, not even looking over his shoulder as he spoke.

“Tch. Let’s just go.”

“ _Lance._ ”

Keith glared, tugging at the back of the other’s hoodie; the cold breeze causing him to shiver.

“You know what Keith? I’ve said it before. I didn’t tell you because you wouldn’t understand.”

“How wouldn’t I understand?!”

Keith was trying to remain calm, but this bipolar Lance was not the Lance he was used to.

“You don’t know what it’s like Keith! You don’t know what it’s like to lose everything!”

Lance yelled, tears threatening to trail down his face as they bubbled.

“Are you _serious_ , Lance?!”

Keith was beginning to lose patience; Lance was being ridiculous. It felt like he was blaming him for all his problems.

“Of course I’m serious! You don’t _have_ parents Keith! You don’t know what it’s like!”

Keith’s breath caught in his throat. He began to sweat as he looked at Lance with a look of betrayal.

“Oh fuck _you,_ Lance!”

Keith yelled back, biting his lip as Lance laughed dryly.

“Oh you’d like that wouldn’t you? That’s all you ever seem to want anyways!”

Lance cackled, Keith growling.

“ _What_ are you _talking_ about?!”

Keith’s volume was raising and that only seemed to instigate Lance.

“Whatever Keith, like I said, you don’t understand. You don’t know what it’s like to live for eighteen years, having your parents love you and protect you, and then have that all taken away in the midst of a few days! It’s not-- it’s not fair, Keith!”

Lance exclaimed, Keith staring at him with his purple hues. He watched as tears finally broke free and rolled down Lance’s nose and cheeks. He wanted so badly to wipe them away, but he knew he’d just be scolded.

“You’re right Lance, I don’t know what that’s like.”

Keith mumbled, looking to the ground sadly.

“But I _tried_ to understand Lance; you wouldn’t let me! Do you know how hard it is to watch the love of your life suffer and you can’t do anything?”

Keith uttered, his voice rough and desperate.

“Well maybe you shouldn’t consider me the love of your life.”

Lance responded, Keith’s head slowly raising.

“What? Lance?”

Keith bit his lip, hoping this wasn’t going where he thought.

“I’m just saying.”

Lance mumbled, Keith shaking his head and hugging him once more.

“Please don’t say that.”

Keith’s voice broke but his face remained stoic. Lance was already a mess, he _needed_ to keep it together.

“I…”

Lance started and then trailed off; Keith gripped his hoodie tight in his hands as they embraced. He just wanted to stay like this, in each others arms. He felt safe like this and he knew Lance used to feel the same.

“You should go.”

Lance voiced, Keith’s grip loosening as he slowly pulled away.

“Come home with me Lance, please. We can just sit on the couch and watch TV. I don’t care what we do but please; I don’t want to leave you alone.”

Keith begged, Lance taking a step back and putting a hand on his car’s door handle.

“I… I just think we need to take a little break. I need to get my head together you know?”

Lance muttered, opening the door.

“I’m not saying this is the end but… it’s really difficult to see you right now.”

Lance said, and for the first time tonight it felt sincere and gentle.

“I’m sorry.”

He added in a hushed whisper, turning to Keith with a somber smile.

“Oh.”

Keith rubbed his temples, trying to evade the pressing headache that threatened to make his mood worse.

“If that’s what you need.”

Keith agreed no matter how much his brain protested.

“Thanks.”

Lance shuffled into the driver’s seat and before he could close the door, Keith blocked it with his boot; Lance eyed him suspiciously.

“I love you.”

Keith smiled, Lance knowing it was a front. It took a few moments for him to respond, but he settled with

“I know.”

Lance then moved Keith’s foot out of the way and closed his door; quickly driving away. Keith tried not to think about Lance’s insults. Keith tried not to think about what that _‘I know’_ meant. He tried, just like he’d tried not to text Lance right afterwards. He always _tried_ , but it never seemed to be enough.

Keith didn’t sleep that night.


	2. You Found Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hunk decides that Lance needs to talk to Keith about how he's feeling. Lance stumbles in on something he wasn't meant to see.

Lance knew he would sleep well that night; on his movie _outing_ with Keith he’d been barely able to keep his eyes open. He’d actually gotten some sleep in the theater after Keith had stormed out. Lance reached for the radio dial in his car, trying to keep himself awake with some music. He never seemed to get any rest these days. He used to be tired from taking care of his family, but at least he was still happy. Now all that there was left to be was tired.

Lance slammed on the breaks as the light in front of him turned red. He _really_ needed to pay attention. His phone light suddenly began to flash as if taunting him; signalling a text message. Lance silently wondered if it was from Keith or Hunk. He would assume the latter, he didn’t think Keith was dumb enough to continue texting him right after their conversation. Although before he had time to check, the light turned green and Lance’s eyes drew back to the road.

 

-

 

When Lance awoke his entire body felt like it ached and he couldn’t figure out why. He hadn’t exercised in a few weeks, so he knew it wasn’t that. He eventually figured it was just growing pains and slumped down the hallway to the kitchen. A delicious smell enveloped him as he sat down at the small dining table set for two. He noticed Hunk was already cooking something at the oven and thanked the heavens that Hunk was his friend. He didn’t deserve him really.

“Sleep well?”

Hunk asked, his voice sounding nice to Lance’s ears.

“I guess so. What time is it?”

Lance asked as he stretched, letting out a scream-yawn.

“It’s almost twelve. I was going to wake you up earlier but I know how tired you’ve been.”

Hunk replied, flipping what Lance guessed was a piece of toast.

“Damn.”

Lance muttered, looking down at his bare torso. It really _had_ been weeks since he’d last worked out.

“You want french toast? I made two slices for you just in case.”

“Of course Hunk. You’re an angel in disguise I swear.”

Hunk smiled and Lance couldn’t help but smile as well. He could always count on his best friend to make his day better.

“I try my best.”

Hunk mused, scraping the toast off with a spatula and gently placing them onto a plate. He turned to Lance, walking over and setting the plate down in front of him.

“ _Speaking_ of try,”

Lance looked up as he slowly took a bite of the breakfast.

“Did you talk to Keith yesterday?”

“Hunk--”

“What? I need to know how it went.”

Hunk complained, his voice going an octave higher than normal.

“It was… uh… fine.”

Lance muttered as he tried to shove more food in his mouth in a lame attempt to stop the conversation.

“Define fine.”

Hunk hesitated, sitting down next to Lance. Lance rolled his eyes, pointing his fork in Hunk’s direction.

“Look Hunk, I just told him what was on my mind. He practically begged me to anyways.”

Lance retorted, Hunk raising his hands in the air as surrender.

“How did he take it?”

“I dunno-- well I guess?”

“You _guess_?”

“I don’t know, Hunk!”

Lance yelled, holding his head in his hands.

“I just told him we were taking a break. It’s not like he had a whole lot to react to.”

Hunk raised a brow as he gave Lance a knowing look.

“Weren’t you going to break up with him completely?”

Hunk questioned and Lance groaned in response.

“I couldn’t do it Hunk! He said… he said I was the love of his life! For god’s sake Hunk even after I broke it to him he stopped to tell me he _loves_ me.”

Lance snapped, Hunk looking to the ground.

“Well do you love him back?”

“You know it’s not that simple.”

The two were quiet for a moment before Hunk spoke again.

“I still think you should talk to him. It doesn’t seem like you’re too certain about any of this.”

Lance sighed, it was hard not to agree with the man.

“I miss him Hunk, I really do, but every time I see him I just get so…”

Lance shoved the plate of food out of the way as he laid his head on the table.

“I just get so mad. I know I shouldn’t but I can’t help it! My parents hate me and it’s all because I fell in love with him.”

Lance muttered, once again burying his head in his arms.

“So you do love him?”

Hunk whispered.

“I-- I know I _used_ to love him.”

Hunk remained quiet and Lance prayed for an answer. He hoped for an answer from somebody, _anybody_.

“I think you guys should talk to each other.”

Hunk murmured, picking up Lance’s empty plate and standing up.

“You’re probably right.”

 

-

 

Lance hesitated as he approached Keith’s apartment door. The man hadn’t answered any of Lance’s texts, which was surprising considering the amount Keith had sent last night. Lance knew he was home, his motorcycle was parked in the apartment’s lot; he could spot the damn thing in a lineup at this point.

Finally, Lance gained the courage to knock on the door. He was met with silence; he’d been hearing too much of that these days.

“Keith? Open up, it’s me.”

 _Maybe that’s why he’s not opening up._ Lance’s mind taunted, Lance shaking his head.

“I’m coming in.”

Lance shouted, using the key Keith had given him and turning the knob. He eventually pushed open the door, trying not to let his instincts scare him away.

“Keith? You here, buddy?”

Upon entering, Lance felt his heart sink; to call Keith’s apartment a disaster would be an understatement. Clothes were strewn about on the television, the floor, the kitchen table, _everywhere_. As Lance stepped across the floor he managed to kick a few beer cans and a pill bottle. Lance’s face knit into a worried expression.

“Keith?”

Lance called a bit more hastily. He tried not to disturb anything on the floor, wondering what else lurked beneath these clothes. He made his way to the kitchen area, inspecting the pizza boxes and chinese takeout that were scattered about. Some of the boxes still had food in them, but judging by the odor that emanated off them Lance guessed they were days old. He took it upon himself to gather up all the boxes and throw them away. If Keith wanted more food Lance would buy him something less… _depressing_.

Lance eyed the mass of dishes in the sink but decided to find Keith first; no matter how much his mom was nagging him in the back of his head. He subconsciously held his breath as he made his way down the short hallway that lead to Keith’s room. He knew the space all too well. The walls were a dark grey, some records and posters mounted on the wall and ceiling. Lance chuckled as he remembered the mattress Keith had slept on for a majority of his apartment life. It wasn’t until Lance and him had started dating when Keith got an actual bed for them to sleep on.

The more Lance thought about it, the more he began to wonder _‘How many things are in this house because of me?’_ It was a valid question, seeing as Keith lived on the bare minimum before they had met.

Not wanting to think about it, Lance snapped back to reality. He saw Keith’s door hanging open and decided to rap on it lightly.

“Keith? You in there?”

Lance was once again met with silence so he decided to peek his head around the corner. There was the same situation as in the kitchen. Askew clothes, bottles, and trash, and most importantly no Keith. Lance turned his head back into the hallway, noticing the bathroom light flood out from the crack underneath the door.

“Hey, are you in there?”

Lance stepped towards the bathroom door, knocking on it gently.

“I just c--”

The door swung open before Lance could finish and he almost fell into the man in front of him. Keith had to keep his arms on Lance’s shoulders so the Cuban wouldn’t topple on top of him.

“What do you want?”

Keith spat, Lance bracing himself on the doorframe.

“I-- I just came to talk to you.”

Lance stuttered as he looked at the state of Keith. The man was wearing a long sleeved hoodie and boxers that clung a little too tightly to his thighs. Lance felt himself involuntarily blush at the sight. He instead opted for looking at Keith’s face, but that gave him the exact opposite effect. Keith’s eyes looked exhausted and his skin was paler than usual. The hair on his head was a mess and when Keith spoke all Lance could smell was the scent of weed and vomit.

“Jesus Keith…”

Lance muttered, taking it all in.

“Gee thanks.”

Keith sighed, keeping a hand on the door.

“What did you wanna talk about? You didn’t seem to want to talk last night. Or the day before that, or the day before that, or the day before tha---.”

“God, I know, I know! Listen, I can’t seem to get...you…”

Lance’s voice trailed off as he looked around the bathroom. His heart felt like it stopped beating altogether.

“What is that?”

Lance gestured, Keith lazily following his gaze. Keith seemed to tense up as Lance guessed he realized what he was pointing at. He looked back to Lance, trying to close the door a little more to keep the object out of sight.

“What’s what?”

Keith feigned innocence but Lance wanted none of it. Lance pushed him out of the way, hating the way Keith stumbled, easily defeated.

“Don’t fucking bullshit me, Keith.”

Lance hissed, picking up a rather large blade that sat on the edge of the toilet seat.

“What the _fuck_ do you need this for?”

Lance searched in Keith’s eyes for answers, Keith looking back with eyes that pleaded for him not to say anymore.

“Not to mention it reeks in here! I know you smoke but…”

Lance trailed off as he realized getting into that argument wasn’t his priority. He looked back up, seeing Keith’s dilated pupils waiting for him. Lance grabbed Keith’s arm, shoving his sleeve up. Lance added to the smell of vomit as he heaved over the toilet at the sight.

Keith had the nerve to look ashamed, never looking at Lance directly and instead rubbing small circles on his back. Lance wiped his mouth and looked back to Keith as he tried to avoid looking at his arm.

“Keith! That’s--!”

For once Lance didn’t know what to say; he hated this feeling.

“Lance, please.”

Keith finally looked at him and spoke, his voice hoarse.

“Keith, I-- you-- what the fuck is wrong with you?”

Lance blurted out and he mentally kicked himself in the head as he watched Keith stiffen and look away.

“You’re insane.”

Lance stated, Keith glaring at the ground.

“I’m not insane.”

He mumbled as he rolled his sleeve back down.

“You are, but I get it.”

“No Lance you don’t get it!”

“Keith yo--!”

“Remember? I could never understand how you feel because of my fucking dead parents? Maybe you don’t understand how I feel because of your fucking--!”

Keith cut himself off with a sigh.  
“You know what? It’s not worth it, just leave.”

Keith sneered, swiping the blade away from Lance’s grasp.

“You don’t give a shit anyways.”

“How can you say that?!”

“It’s all an act, Lance! I’ve known you long enough to know that much.”

Keith yelled back, opening the bathroom door wider, indicating for Lance to leave. Lance looked to the door and then back to Keith, shaking his head.

“Regardless of whether you believe me or not, I’m not leaving you by yourself like this.”

Lance reached for Keith’s hand.

“I know you may not like me anymore but--.”

Keith interrupted him with a forced laugh.

“ _Me_ not like _you_? Oh that’s rich, Lance! _You’re_ the one who said we should take a break remember?”

Keith glared at him, Lance bowing his head.

“I’m sorry Keith. Please just let me help you. I’m not going to leave, you know.”

Lance lamented, squeezing Keith’s hand gently.

“At least let me patch you up, you’re bleeding through your hoodie. I know that’s one of your favorites, right?”

Keith looked down at his sleeves, the once-black color turning a dull and stained crimson. The black-haired boy looked up at Lance before closing his eyes.

“Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you "liked" it. I say 'like' loosely because i'm not sure anyone appreciated this outcome lol. leave some comments or criticisms if you'd like! i managed to get this chapter out pretty quick because it was already halfway written. the next one might not be posted as soon.


	3. Lying on the Floor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith never really does know what he wants.

Keith didn’t know how but Lance ended up spending the night. Keith could vaguely remember telling Lance he could leave a few times; but he never did. Lance had patched up his arms-- with only two trips to dry heave over the toilet seat-- and even started a bath for him afterwards. Keith wasn’t generally someone who enjoyed being babied like this, but considering it was Lance, he didn’t really mind. 

Now it was almost midnight and the two of them sat quietly on Keith’s bed. Keith was lying on his stomach, his face buried in the pillow as Lance was sitting against the headboard beside him. Last Keith had checked, Lance had been reading some book Keith had never heard of before. Although Keith knew he should be trying to sleep, it was, ironically, too  _ quiet _ . Keith wasn’t very fond of silence as of recently, so he figured he’d try to make conversation. It shouldn’t be hard, right? Keith slowly opened his eyes, his pupils contracting to adjust to the dim lamp light. 

“Hey Lance?”

Keith cringed as his voice came out a lot weaker than he’d intended. Lance didn’t respond for a minute, but then he placed a finger on the page of his book and turned his head.

“Hm?”

Keith paused, not really knowing what to talk about. All he knew was that he didn’t feel like going to sleep.

“Erm-- what’s your book about?”

Keith asked, Lance looking to Keith with a small smile.

“Well,”

Lance marked his page and leaned down to set the book on the floor. Keith guessed Lance was probably cursing him for not having bedside tables. 

“It’s called  _ They Both Die at the End _ .”

Lance mused, sliding under the covers and facing Keith.

“It’s about two kids who come from two very different lives. Rufus, who comes from a pretty messed up past as an orphan who decided to live his life a bit on the, um, wild side.”

Lance looks into Keith’s eyes for but a second and then turns over to lay on his back.

“And Mateo, who is just a nerdy kid who doesn’t like to take chances ever since his dad got into a coma.”

Keith watches as Lance relays the story, his eyes giving a certain knowing glint.

“To summarize, they both get a call that they’re going to die in twenty-four hours. Eventually, they meet up and spend the rest of their remaining lives together. They talking about regrets, lost loves, all that philosophical shit.”

Lance turns back to Keith, a small smile on his lips.

“At least that’s where  _ I _ am so far.”

Keith hums and feels the heat rise to his face no matter how hard he tries to prevent it. He can’t help but flush when Lance looks at him with those knowing but gentle eyes. It brings back memories. Better memories.

 

_ “Hey Keith?” _

_ Keith looks over to Lance, his eyes practically shining in the dark movie theater. _

_ “Yeah?” _

_ “Can I… Can I kiss you?” _

_ Lance mutters bashedly, looking like he wants to immediately run out of the movie theater upon uttering those few words. _

_ “Yeah. That would be nice.” _

_ Keith whispers as Lance holds him and kisses him softly. The kiss itself was a bit rough with both of them being nervous, but neither of them cared. They only wanted to live in this moment of bliss, and when Lance pulls away all Keith can mutter is _

_ “You don’t have to ask next time.” _

 

Keith’s eyes begin to water and he shakes his head, quickly looking away.

“Keith?”

Lance puts a hand on his bare shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. Keith shakes his head once more, slapping Lance’s hand away.   
“I’m fine.”

Keith mumbles and moves to face the opposite way. He hears some shuffling behind him as Lance slowly speaks.

“That’s what you said last time.”

Keith shuts his eyes, not wanting to be reminded of what happened earlier. 

“I mean it this time.”

Silence follows for a few long seconds.

“Do you?”

Lance asks quietly, and the question rings in Keith’s head; over and  _ over _ again. He stays quiet, trying so hard to prevent the tears from spilling over. He’s already caused them both enough trouble for one day.

“Keith?”

Lance calls again as he reaches for Keith’s hair, lightly running his hands through it. That’s when Keith knows he can’t bear to face him. These gentle touches were something he’d craved from Lance for so long so  _ why _ did it hurt this much?

“I have a question, Lance.”

Keith bites his lip and curses his voice for sounding so wrecked.

“What is it Keith?”

Lance replies as he continues to twirl his fingers in Keith’s soft hair; Keith hesitates.

“How can people fall in love so often?”

Keith pauses, trying to find the right words.

“I mean, how is that possible? I’ve… I’ve found myself in the same position, loving the same person for so  _ so _ long. The kind of love that goes so deep you just get so utterly lost in it, y’know?”

Lance’s hands still at this, and Keith feels his eyes on him.

“I can’t seem to forget it. I just move everyone and everything around it to accommodate everything else.”

Keith feels a tear trail down his cheek and quickly tries to wipe it away. Upon trying to wipe the first away a second follows, then a third, and a fourth. Eventually, Keith can’t stop himself from crying anymore and he hates himself for it. 

“This isn’t good for me.”

Keith shakily sighs as he looks down at his bandaged wrists. Instead of hearing Lance’s voice, he feels his arms wrap tightly around his waist. Lance’s head nuzzles against Keith’s neck in a comforting manner. Keith only sobs harder.

_ ‘This isn’t what I want.’ _

Keith’s mind screams, but he instead stays silent.

 




 

Lance falls asleep like that, but Keith stays awake for another few hours. He doesn’t know at exactly what time he finally falls asleep, but he doesn’t stay asleep for long. Lance is up early and Keith adjusts himself as he feels Lance’s arms retreat from his torso.

“Keith? Are you awake?”

Lance asks in a hushed voice. Keith internally debates on whether or not to respond and then finally settles on grunting.

“It’s time to get up, it’s almost ten.”

Lance whispers as he rubs his hand up and down Keith’s back. Keith responds again with a grunt, Lance chuckling.

“C’mon. I’ll treat you to breakfast and then we’ll get to work on cleaning your apartment, okay?”

Lance soothes as he gets up. Keith soon hears the sink running and he wants to argue but he doesn’t have the energy to. Instead, he slowly sits up, rubbing his eyes. The room is blurry mess without his contacts and as much as Keith wanted it to stay that way, he knew Lance would just nag him about it later. 

Keith makes his way to the bathroom and opens the medicine cabinet with his contact paraphernalia. He grabs the small case and heads out of the bathroom, deciding it’d be less cramped if he just used the mirror in his room.

After being able to see again, Keith looks up at the mirror and he doesn’t like what he sees. A gaunt man stares back at him with dark circles underlining his already dark eyes. These contrast with his sickly white skin that has some clumps of damp hair from his bath last night stuck to it. Keith frowns at his reflection and raises a hand to his cheekbones. 

“Were they always this sunken?”

Keith mumbles to himself as he takes in more of his unruly state. Two hands wrapping around his waist interrupt him from his trance.

“Are you going like that?”

Lance questions from behind Keith. Keith knows it’s a rhetorical question, Lance would never be seen in public with someone who looked like  _ this _ . 

“No.”

Is what Keith decides to say as he pulls Lance’s arms off of him. Keith walks to his closet, pulling out a few clothes that he  _ thinks _ are clean. He would do a smell-check to make sure but Keith is pretty sure Lance would judge him for it. Keith eventually sets the outfit down on the bed and begins to undress. He watches Lance’s expression change, but he can’t pinpoint what he’s thinking. Keith tries not to think about it too much as he throws his pants onto the floor. 

Lance picks up the black shirt that Keith picked out and walks over to him, helping him put it on. Keith tries not to blush at the determination on Lance’s face.

“I’m too sober for this.”

Keith grumbles out loud, Lance looking up at him with furrowed brows.

“Don’t say stuff like that.”

Lance’s words dripping like poison off his tongue as he moves on to Keith’s leather jacket. Lance slips it over the other’s shoulders, Keith not failing to notice Lance’s gentle caress as he does so. 

“It’s true.”

Keith finally responds as he pulls on his sweatpants. Lance is obviously not too thrilled with either his words, or his fashion choice; Keith isn’t sure which.

“Sweatpants are comfortable.”

Keith defends, making his way back to the mirror to comb his hair that was hellbent on disagreeing with him. 

“Whatever works.”

Lance says through his teeth, Keith glancing at him in the reflection. After attempting (and failing) to completely tame his mane, Keith turns back to Lance.

“Are you ready?”

Keith asks, wondering when Lance himself got changed.

“Almost. You forgot something.”

Lance muses as Keith looks at him, confused. Lance approaches the other and softly caresses Keith’s face in his hands.

“You forgot to put on a smile. Sometimes it helps, you know?”

Lance whispers the last part as he smiles for Keith as a demonstration. Keith is quiet for a moment, opting to look at the ground instead of Lance.

“But I don’t feel like smiling.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for tuning back in, i hope you enjoyed! I'm sorry this one's kinda short and I always end up getting these chapters up at like 4am; nothing good comes after 3am as they say i guess.   
> i think my writing "style" is kinda wonky on this chapter but i might be delirious from lack of sleep so i dunno. feel free to leave a kudo or comment if you want, it helps me find the motivation to continue writing this! thanks again!


	4. Where Were You?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance tries to fix Keith, but he can't.

Keith uttered it so quietly that Lance barely heard it. Lance frowns and rubs his thumb over Keith’s cheek in a loving gesture.

“Well…”

Lance pauses for a moment, trying to think of the correct words to say.

“It doesn’t matter how you feel sometimes. You have to force a smile for the rest of the world occasionally.”

Lance mumbles as he turns away from Keith to slip his shoes on. Keith doesn’t say anything, and Lance doesn’t know if he’s disappointed or glad. Keith hadn’t been acting like himself, granted, Lance probably didn’t help. He was determined to get Keith to feel better; he deserved to be happy.

“Let’s head out. C’mon.”

Lance grabs Keith’s hand gently and tugs him along as they exit Keith’s apartment.

 

-

 

The car ride had been very silent. Everytime Lance had tried to make conversation Keith would only respond with a grunt or one-word answers. Eventually, Lance had given up on trying to get Keith to talk; he was obviously not in the mood. Even now as they sat in a small diner buzzing with other cheerful families, Keith was silent.

“Welcome, guys! What can I get for ya?”

The waitress sliced through the silence, Lance glancing up at her. Lance ordered his drink and thought about sending her a wink, but he figured that would only upset Keith even more.

“And for you, sir?”

The waitress turned to Keith, smiling politely. Keith hadn’t even looked up at her, he had been staring at his lap for the few minutes they’d been here.

“Keith, don’t be rude.”

Lance hissed, giving Keith a light kick to the foot under the table. Keith looked up at Lance slowly, then looked to the waitress.

“Water.”

He whispered, the waitress’ brows furrowing into a worried expression.

“Please.”

Lance added, flashing the waitress the brightest smile he could muster. She nodded, wrote something on her notepad, and then took off. Lance felt a little bad for her, she was just doing her job after all. She wasn’t a therapist, Keith should’ve had the common decency to at least speak to her.

“What was that?”

Lance asked as he tried to maintain eye contact with the boy across from him. Keith turned back to him with sleep-deprived eyes.

“I didn’t ask to be here.”

He replied in a monotone voice. Lance watched as Keith took a deep breath in and slowly let it out.

“Sorry. Sorry.”

Keith apologized, running a hand through his hair.

“It’s okay, man.”

Lance smiled, Keith flashing a weak smile back.

“Did you sleep well?”

Keith asked.

“Yeah. I mean, as best as I could after— um— y’know.”

Lance devolved into a mumble, Keith narrowing his eyes before looking away.

“You don’t have to keep bringing it up. I get it.”

Keith glared at the wall next to him. Lance sighed, putting his hand over the other’s.

“I’m sorry. I’m honestly not too sure how to handle situations like this. You still haven’t told me why.”

Lance looked at Keith as he turned his head. Keith was still glaring and Lance wasn’t sure what he said wrong.

“I said to drop it.”

Keith growled, swiping his hand out of Lance’s grasp. Lance put up his hands in an attempt at surrender.

“Okay, geez.”

Lance whispered.

“Our waitress is coming. At least be polite this time.”

He added, Keith scowling.

 

 

Breakfast had a few rough patches, but after the initial tension the two fell into a quiet conversation. When the meal was coming to a close, Keith had even apologized to the waitress for his stubbornness. She politely waved it off, saying she’d dealt with worse. It was when she’d asked Keith if he was happy that Lance felt the mood change.

Keith stared for a while, staying silent. The waitress gave an awkward smile and thanked them for coming, gently placing the check and Lance’s card on the table.

“Have a nice rest of your day. I hope you feel better.”

She mused, disappearing into the kitchen. Lance slid his card towards himself and shoved it into his wallet. He looked up, Keith staring blankly at the table.

“You ready to head out?”

Lance questioned, putting his hand on the table in Keith’s line of sight. Keith slowly looked up and nodded. They headed out of the diner and piled into Lance’s car.

It was quiet, much like when they were driving earlier that morning.

“You—“

“I—“

Both of them spoke at once.

“You go first.”

Keith bit his lip, looking to Lance with a frown.

“Well… I was just going to say that I have to work today.”

Lance said, feeling the awkward tension rise.

“Oh.”

“Will you be okay staying by yourself for a few hours?”

“I’m not a little kid, Lance.”

“Well you were certainly acting like it.”

Lance retorted, not taking his eyes off of the road even though he felt Keith’s on him.

“Just go to your job, Lance. I’m not going to ask you to flake on that for me.”

Keith snapped, Lance seeing him turn back to the window from his peripheral vision. The rest of the ride was silent except for the hum of the radio. Luckily, Keith’s apartment wasn’t too far from the diner, so it wasn’t a long ride. Lance guessed that was a perk of living in the city.

They pulled up to Keith’s building and Lance didn’t bother shifting the car into park as Keith opened the door.

“I’ll see you after work, yeah?”

Lance tried to feign affection as he flashed a smile. Keith glanced up at him with dull eyes.

“When would that be?”

Keith asked, although his tone didn’t sound like he cared all that much.

“I dunno. Probably around ten, I have a long shift today.”

“Don’t you want to go back home? I don’t want to exhaust you with my company.”

Keith glowered and Lance sighed.

“Maybe, but you’re my home as well. I really don’t mind.”

Lance smiled gently and noticed Keith’s grip tighten on the car door.

“I’ll see you around ten.”

Lance tried to ignore the voice that screamed in his head; screamed at him not to leave. Keith was an adult, he could handle himself. He _needed_ to handle himself, Lance couldn’t be there forever. He wasn’t even sure if he _wanted_ to be with Keith forever.

He shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. Now wasn’t the time to think about that.

“Alright?”

Lance insisted, Keith shrugging at the ground after he finally stepped out of the car.

“Okay.”

Lance confirmed, mainly for his own sake.

 

 

It was around nine-thirty when Lance’s phone rang. He was pretty tired; it was exhausting having to work a long shift and mom his… friend? What were they at this point? Lance’s mind raced through all of the intimate acts he’d done throughout their time recently. He could almost feel Keith’s gaunt frame against his hands as he thought about it. The ringing of his phone rudely interrupted him.

“Hello?”

Lance fumbled with the phone for a minute before finally getting it to pick up.

“Uh… hey.”

A familiar voice sounded over the line.

“Keith, I’ll be home in like,”

Lance glanced at his watch

“a half an hour? Can this wait?”

Lance heard a sigh through the receiver.

“I just-- I just needed to hear your voice. It’s calming.”

Keith trailed off and Lance bit his lip. What _were_ they?

“Are you high?”

Lance grumbled, holding the phone against his shoulder as he sorted through a few papers. It took a while for Keith to answer, and what he said didn’t settle with Lance for some reason.

“I guess you could say that.”

Lance frowned, his hands ceasing their movement. The line was silent, as if Keith could feel his glare.

“So, uh, what’re you doing at work?”

Keith stammered, his voice a bit slurred. Lance sighed.

“I’m-- I’m sorting through some papers right now. Some stuff that I’ll finish translating next time, I guess.”

He replied, getting up to turn off the air conditioning for the night.

“That’s cool. Um,”

Lance heard some shuffling and then Keith’s wary voice returned.

“Yo, um, te quiero mucho, and, uh, te adoro. Estoy enamorado.”

Keith sputtered and Lance couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Cute.”

Lance muttered, hearing some more shuffling.

“Is that-- Is that all you have to say?”

Keith asked, Lance putting the phone on speaker and setting it on his desk. He held his head in his hands, mentally preparing himself for the conversation that was about to ensue.

“I don’t know what you want me to say Keith.”

Lance paused,

“Well, I know what you _want_ me to say but I’m not sure I have an answer for you Keith. For God’s sake we said we were taking a break!”

Lance recounted as he grabbed at his hair lightly.

“Then you-- you went and-- and _hurt_ yourself, Keith! All because of me! How do you think that makes me feel?”

It was quiet on the other line for a long time. Lance spoke out again.

“Well?”

“I don’t know, Lance. I don’t know how that makes you feel because you’d never tell me anyways.”

Lance rolled his eyes, thankful Keith couldn’t see it.

“Well it doesn’t feel very fucking good. I feel like an absolute piece of shit for making you do that to yourself. Just because we’re going through something doesn’t mean I don’t care for you.”

Lance relayed as he prayed to whatever God there might be for Keith to understand.

“You didn’t… _make_ me do it.”

Keith muttered, Lance not failing to notice the slowness and more prominent slur in his voice.

“It sure seems like I did. At least that’s how it feels.”

Lance let go of his hair and took a deep breath.

“What did you mean earlier by ‘I guess you could say that?’”

Lance asked, although he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know the answer. It was such a vague response that it scared him.

”Huh?”

Keith sounded, Lance assuming he didn’t remember.

“What did you do?”

Lance asked again, hoping that it was all just a game. Hoping it was nothing and that Lance could go home and sleep peacefully; like he had the night of the movie.

“Why do you say it so accusingly?”

Lance assumed Keith had been trying to sound angry, but it seemed very half-hearted.

“What did you do?”

Lance repeated, picking up his phone and taking it off speaker. He didn’t need anybody else eavesdropping on this conversation.

“I took a bunch of pills.”

Lance’s heart felt like it dropped.

“You-- you what?”

Lance didn’t intend for his voice to sound so blatant.

“I took some fucking pills. Do I need to spell it out for you?”

Keith spat.

“I’ll be dead before you get home, _friend_. Don’t even fucking bother.”

Lance wanted to say something, _anything_ , but his voice wouldn’t work.

“I wouldn’t want to bother you with something as insignificant as me. Thanks for the breakfast.”

Lance’s hands shook as the beeping in his ear mocked him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo, yo. sorry this chapter took a while to get up, i've been busy trying to prepare for school on tuesday. i only have one or two more chapters planned for this but they might take a little bit to get up because of school. sorry to leave on a bit of a cliffhanger but y'know ;-)
> 
> P.S. i haven't really proofread this yet so if there's some mistakes i'll be fixing it up in the morning!! i just wanted to get it up before y'all thought i was dead.


	5. Just a Little Late

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith gets taken to the hospital.

Keith felt his hands shaking as he set his phone on his bed. He tried to calm himself with deep breaths, in and out. 

“Why did I do that?”

Keith hid his face in his hands, seeing dots of color dance across his closed eyelids.

“I’m gonna die and Lance will be mad at me even in the afterlife.”

Keith slurred as a pain surged through his stomach. The sensation was so strong he felt like he would puke. Keith wrapped his arms around himself, burying his face into the pillow. 

“Why the  _ fuck _ did I do that?”

Keith felt like crying, but somehow he was too tired. The tears wouldn’t flow, and instead he was left heaving and gasping for air in a feeble attempt at sobbing. 

“I’m so pathetic.”

Keith muttered, opening his eyes to reveal a dizzy, lopsided world. He pulled the sheets over himself, his body shivering. The peripherals of his vision were dark and it felt like the world was closing in on him. Suddenly, Keith felt his throat constricting and tried to sit up to run to the bathroom. It proved to be in vein, as his body was rigid and the entire world spun when he turned his head even the slightest bit. He ended up puking onto the carpet floor beside his bed. 

Keith tried to keep everything down but couldn’t seem to. He continued to helplessly vomit onto the floor, his jaw becoming tired from hanging open for minutes on end. At this point he couldn’t tell if the vomit on the floor was actually the color he was seeing, or if it was just a hallucination. 

_ Lance is going to be disgusted. _

Keith attempted to disregard the voice in his head that hissed at him.

_ If he even shows up. _

Keith felt his eyes water as tears trailed down his face. He didn’t know if he was happy he could finally feel something or not. He could finally cry, but at what cost? He felt so miserable and vulnerable; at this point he wasn’t even sure if he was crying from the vomit or because of his emotions. After a few more seconds of heaving Keith’s vision went black.

 

-

 

Lance didn’t even bother packing up his things. He tightly gripped his phone and swung open his office door, bolting out of the building. The two remaining employees watched in confusion as he started up his car and skidded out of the parking lot. Lance figured he’d text them later, he had more pressing matters at hand.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

Lance mumbled curses to himself and resisted the urge to slam his head on the steering wheel. Fortunately, the roads were pretty clear due to the late hour. Well, they were clear in city terms; he was able to drive without coming to a full stop every minute. Lance would take what he could get, anything to get to Keith faster. 

 

After finally arriving at Keith’s apartment building, Lance let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding. Suddenly, the thought of calling 9-1-1 came to him and Lance definitely wanted to slam his head into the steering wheel for just thinking of that now. He quickly dialed the number, the woman on the other end calmly asking him what the problem was. 

“My, um, friend has overdosed. I just got to his apartment so I’m not sure how bad it is.”

“What is his address, sir?”

Lance stuttered through Keith’s address as he exited his car. 

“Okay, I’ll send ambulances to the location. Would you mind staying on the phone for me, sir?”

Lance grunted in response as he rushed through the front doors and up the stairs. When Lance approached the familiar apartment number, realization set in. 

“I can’t get in. It requires his keycard or for him to buzz me in. He gave me a spare keycard but it’s at my house a few minutes away.”

Lance panicked, banging on the door with his free hand.

“Okay. All we can do now is wait for dispatch to arrive, sir.”

The woman replied. Lance began to pull on his hair and mumble to himself in Spanish; a habit when he was in stressful situations.

“The trucks should be arriving any minute, sir. Please try to remain calm. If not for you, then for the sake of your friend.” 

Lance’s breath hitched as he tried to compose himself. The flashing red and blue lights shined through the hallway window, reflecting the worry on Lance’s face. 

“Yeah well it’s a little difficult whe--.”

As soon as he heard the sound of footsteps, Lance paused and stood up.

“I think they’re here now.”

He mumbled into the receiver, and sure enough, he saw a few paramedics and someone in uniform running down the hall. They were all wearing brightly colored safety vests with machines and bags in their hands. Lance quickly mumbled a goodbye and hung up on the responder.

“His room is right here.”

Lance called, pointing to Keith’s door. The officer in uniform approached him.

“You said you couldn’t open it? Did you try kicking it in?”

The officer questioned in a slightly aggravated tone.

“I-- no, I don’t really think I’m strong enough for that anyways.”

Lance recoiled, stepping out of the officer’s way. The officer drew back and kicked the wooden door with his boot. Lance saw the hinges of the door cave in; and with one more kick they broke off just enough for the officer to break down the door. Lance silently wondered how much strength training went into kicking down a door like that. 

“Move, move!”

The officer shouted, the paramedics hustling into the apartment. They quickly set up all their gear on the floor, the officer trailing in behind them. Where’s the boy? Do you know?”

The officer looked at Lance, Lance stuttering as he tried to answer.

“I-- I think he’s in his room I would guess. If he’s not out here.”

The paramedics began to snap the gurney into place and the officer ran into the hallway. Both parties aggravatedly pushed clothes and boxes out of their path. The officer came back a few seconds later with his arms full of Keith, the boy’s body limp as he was put onto the gurney. The paramedics immediately got to work, shouting over each other for names of medicines Lance hadn’t even heard of. Lance was left standing next to the officer as they both watched the paramedics do their job.  

“He looks horrible. It’d never gotten this bad.”

The officer whispered so quietly Lance almost missed it. He looked down at the other’s name tag.

“Excuse me Officer Takashi, not to sound rude, but do you know Keith?”

Lance watched Takashi swallow and nod. 

“Yes. I guess you could say he was a family friend.”

Takashi spoke slowly as he turned to face Lance, his arms crossed.

“I knew him a long time ago, back when he was in high school. I wasn’t aware that this is where he ended up.”

Takashi looked around the room, seemingly wanting to say more, but instead he went to investigate the state of Keith’s room. 

“We’re going to load him into the ambulance! He should be somewhat stable enough for it.”

One of the paramedics called as she and the other two began to roll the gurney out of the apartment. Takashi made his way back to where Lance awkwardly stood.

“You can go along with me in the police car. We can’t have you in the ambulance with Keith and the other paramedics. It’s just basic procedure.”

Takashi stated and Lance nodded. Takashi reached for his walkie-talkie, mumbling something into it and then clicking it back into his belt. 

  
  


After both Takashi and Lance had gotten into the car, the officer turned on the sirens. They wailed in Lance’s ears no matter how hard he tried to ignore it. The only thing that interrupted the siren was the occasional muffled voice of the radio. It brought back memories of the silent car rides with Keith. Lance decided to split the silence.

“So, what did you mean by family friend? He’s never mentioned you before.”

Takashi seemed to tense up as he registered Lance’s words.

“I knew his parents.”

“I could figure that, but how?”

Lance stared at Takashi with narrowed eyes. Had this been a fling Keith had back in the day? Or were they long lost brothers?

“Our families had been friends for a while. They called me when Keith stared to become… messy-- for a lack of better terms.”

Takashi took a deep breath, Lance watching his toned chest rise and fall.

“I tried to intervene and help him. It worked for a little while; Although I guess I didn’t leave a very lasting impression.”

Takashi furrowed his brows and Lance spoke before he could even process the words.

“Do you blame yourself?”

Both Lance and Takashi recoiled at the question, Lance looking surprised it’d even come out of his mouth. Takashi continued to stare at the road, but Lance couldn’t help but notice his grip on the steering wheel tighten.

“Let’s just get to the hospital, okay?”

Takashi uttered, Lance nodding and trailing his gaze to the window. All was silent again.




 

Keith awoke to paramedics crowding his vision and yelling. The words that were spoken were muffled and he didn’t recognize the voices. One of the women hovering over him seemed to notice his open, yet cloudy, eyes. 

“Hey! Hey buddy, how’s it going?”

She spoke to Keith as if he was a small child. 

“Hey, can you hear me, bud?”

She shook his face a few times, but Keith couldn’t find the strength to respond. 

“We’re in an ambulance, hun. I’m Allura, and  _ you’re _ on your way to the hospital.”

Her blue eyes seemed to sympathize with Keith as he struggled to breathe.

“I know, I know. Try to find your breath and then I have to ask you a question, okay?”

Her voice was sweet and Keith wanted to pinpoint her accent but his brain felt like mush. He tried to slow his breathing but that made him even more tired. His eyes started to close again and the woman smacked the side of his face.

“Hey, hey! Don’t fall asleep on me, buddy. It’s rude to fall asleep when somebody’s talking to you.”

She moved out of his sight and he heard her speaking to some other people. Keith began to fade off again until he felt another tap against his face. 

“I just hooked you up to the IV, alright? Did you feel it? Blink once if you couldn’t, blink twice if you could.”

Keith let his eyes fall closed once and the woman faded in and out of focus. The longer he stared, the more she began to form into a neon green and brown blob. He tried to focus on the bright neon green, figuring that was some sort of clothing item that was part of her uniform. 

“Okay, okay. It’s typical for you not to feel stuff so don’t be scared. What did you take?”

Allura paused and turned her head to look at him.

“Ibuprofen? Xanax? Give me two blinks if I get it.”

Keith wanted to tell her he couldn’t remember but he didn’t have any blinks for that. Keith cursed himself for not learning morse code. 

“Aspirin? Paracetamol?”

She continued, listing off drugs Keith couldn’t even comprehend when he was  _ sober _ . His eyes felt heavy the more he thought about it and he let them close again.

“Hey! I wouldn’t recommend that! I know you’re tired but you have to stay awake. You’ll be worse off if you don’t.”

Keith heard her talking but he couldn’t bring himself to comprehend the words. Even as he felt her cold, glove-covered hands smack his face, he couldn’t open his eyes. Her voice eventually quieted to a silence and he slipped out of consciousness for the second time.

 




 

Lance watched behind the one-way glass as the paramedics worked on Keith. He couldn’t thank the doctor enough for letting him watch over the unconscious boy; even if it was from a different room. Normally, Lance would sit away from the mess and try to distract himself, but he was Keith’s only hope. Keith didn’t have family to wait for him, nor did he really have any other friends besides Lance. Lance needed to watch over every second of the procedure and make sure everything ran smoothly. Lance was trying to convince himself that Keith would be okay, even if the doctors didn’t think so. 

Eventually, Lance heard talk about ‘needing to pump his stomach,’ and he decided to sit down. Keith was barely visible on the operating table now, blocked by the ledge of the window. He could only see Keith’s bangs and the tip of his nose; and images of Keith’s passed out face invaded his memory. When Lance had walked into Keith’s apartment, he didn’t know what he’d been expecting. Takashi said Keith had been lying half-off his bed, vomit covering the floor below him; which even Lance could’ve guessed by the evident, foul odor that filled the room. When they’d flipped him over onto his back on the gurney, Lance hated the face he saw. Keith’s features were unusually sharp, his skin pale and dull. He remembered thinking that the dark circles under Keith’s eyes became more and more prominent every time he saw them. 

Lance began to rock back and forth on the metal bench as he continued remembering Keith’s bandage-less arms. He hadn’t gotten a chance to see if there were any fresh marks adorning Keith’s arms before the paramedics proceeded to do their thing. Lance didn’t know if he should be happy about that or not. 

  
  


After what felt like hours, a woman finally approached Lance. Her voice was gentle as she spoke.

“Hello, are you Lance?”

She asked, the boy in question looking up at her.

“I’m Allura, can I sit down?”

The woman asked, gesturing to the spot next to Lance. He immediately felt his eyes begin to water, preparing for the worst news. Lance stared at Allura as she sat down and tears streamed down his face. 

“I know this is a… difficult situation, but you both will get through it.”

She spoke as if she knew insider information; as if she knew the problems in their relationship.

“He’s alive for now, but we don’t know how long life support will hold him. I tried to give him charcoal to eat in the ambulance, but he’d passed out again and the pills were already coating his stomach.”

Allura stared at her hands, not daring to look at Lance as he broke down.

“If he doesn’t wake up in a few days… we’ll give you the option of removing his life support.”

Lance hiccuped as she said this, trying to muffle his sobs into his jacket sleeve.

“I’m sorry.”

Lance whispered as he covered his mouth. 

“Please don’t be sorry.”

Allura turned to the other, putting her hand on his back.

“Look, I don’t know your guys’ lives, but this was not your fault. I can say that with one-hundred percent certainty. You did not force him to do this, he did it to himself.”

She mused, giving Lance a pitiful smile at an attempt for reassurance. Lance stared at her for a few seconds, and for once, he couldn’t fake a smile back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey y'all, sorry this took a while. i tried to upload it the other day but i wasn't very happy with it because it was so short. i tried to make it a bit longer but i still feel like it's lacking.  
> i know some parts may not be realistic, but i expressed this shit through my own experiences so it shouldn't be too bad.   
> feel free to leave some feedback and criticism if you want! there's only one or two more chapters (i know i said that last time) so bear with me. also, lemme know what y'all think about me adding allura and shiro into it. i wanted to spice it up.   
> thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! i'll try to update this twice a week but school's a bitch. i've already written half of the second chapter so that should be up soon. i think the writing is a little hasty but i dunno-- let me know what you think in the comments! thanks again for reading!


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